Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
