I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
COCAINE IS GR8
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
