I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
