you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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