my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
