it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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