Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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