Can Purell be used as lube?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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