i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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