The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
