Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
