Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
