I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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