Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
