i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
