I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
