two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
