I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
