And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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