She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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