Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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