I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wish there were birth control emojis
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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