I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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