Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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