you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
