please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
