She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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