Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
