Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
