so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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