everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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