My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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