Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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