What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
