careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
