i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You took a bar mat shot.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
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I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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