Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
