You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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