I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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