Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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