ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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