It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize