so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
