bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
