I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
