The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
