you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had sex on a roof
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
