Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
