I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
