last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
