True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
