I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
