It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
