i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
