a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
