He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
