Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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