no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
