Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
