Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
