There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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