dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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