the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
