and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Bring me that man meat
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
