after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
be right there i have to get my cape
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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