long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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