The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i out mim tonsoeep
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